Pretty..

Watch this first: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6wJl37N9C0

For years I believed it was my only asset. I was told repeatedly as a child that I was such a pretty little girl. Pretty. It came to be the thing that I knew I could rely on to get what I wanted. Pretty = Power.

When you're pretty, people like you before they know anything else about you. When you're pretty, you get given things you haven't earned. When you're pretty, you're let off the hook. Doors get opened, drinks get bought, lines get bypassed, gifts get conferred. You'd be amazed just how much pretty gets you.

But pretty isn't all it's cracked up to be. As often as people like you before they know you, they hate you. As often as positive assumptions are made, negative conclusions are jumped to. As many times as it's flattering to be seen as pretty, it's frustrating to be seen for only that. More than frustrating, it's potentially deadly. If pretty is all you've got and pretty gets you what you want, soon pretty becomes your currency. And pretty often just isn't enough when you're trading for the big ticket items, like love, acceptance, tolerance, respect. It gets to be about more than just your face, more than just a smile.. it gets to be about your body, your spirit, your soul. And when those become your currency, you're getting into very sketchy territory. Boundaries get blurred or disappear completely and each time you spend, you lose a little more. Each time someone wants, they want a little more.

There have been many times I've wished I were ugly. I have wished it right out loud, "I wish I were ugly so people would notice my heart and my mind." I wanted to carve up my face. In fact, once or twice, with my own fingernails, I did just that. It wasn't pretty.

I'm not pretty.

I'm beautiful.

And I'm not beautiful because I have a pretty face.

I'm beautiful because my heart overflows with love and I daringly wear it right out on my sleeve where everyone can see it despite how incredibly vulnerable that makes me.

I am beautiful because I see my greatest strength in that vulnerability.

I am beautiful because I am constantly striving to be a better person, to learn more about myself and my purpose in the world and my impact on others.

I am beautiful because I am passionate and I allow that passion to shine through, even when it's not so popular or so widely understood.

I am beautiful because I'm not afraid to make mistakes and I'm not afraid to admit to them and apologize for them. And mean it.

I am beautiful because I keep getting back up even when I'm not sure I'm strong enough to do so.

I am beautiful because I live my life as one long act of improvisation, as though all the world really IS a stage (and it is) and this is my greatest ever role and I must fulfill it fully and completely.

I am beautiful because I would give you every piece of me if you needed me to and not expect anything in return because I believe that's the way it ought to be.  

I am beautiful because I hold onto my convictions and because I'm willing to be proven wrong.

I am beautiful because I'm scared too.

I am beautiful because I am flawed.

I am beautiful because I had the courage to admit where I was falling short and to do something about it, because I was willing to learn how to love myself, here and now, from the inside out and to stop relying on you to tell me I'm pretty.

I am NOT. merely. pretty.