My problems are bigger than your problems? I think not..

I met a girl last night outside a downtown bar and we got chatting. This was shortly after I completely insulted a different girl by asking her why she was wearing a prom dress. She had been in a wedding party. If her eyes had been armed with weapons of mass destruction, as of that moment I'd have been reduced to a splat on the Princess Street sidewalk. Oops.

Anyhow, in chatting away with a lovely young blonde girl and her boyfriend about nothing in particular, or nothing that I can easily retrieve given that I had consumed my fair share of vodka and soda by that point in the evening, she was stunned to learn of my forty years of age and wished out loud more than a few times that she "could be as beautiful and youthful as me when she reaches my age". I told her flat out, "You can." She attempted to dismiss my confidence in her ability to do so with all sorts of, "Oh no, I could never, you do so many good things.. etc., etc.." It saddens me to note how little belief folks have in themselves and their ability to achieve their own personal levels of greatness, to realize what an epidemic of low self-worth permeates our human condition.

I looked at her squarely and said, "Listen to me. I am NOT perfect. I am NOT a saint. Sometimes, I'm not even that nice a person." I have made a bazillion errors in judgment and put myself in more dumb situations than I care to admit (though I would if you asked nicely). I have been a drunk, a drug addict, a bad friend and a self-centred wretch at times. I have lied to people, cheated on people, taken things that don't belong to me. I have wallowed in self-pity and failed to live up to responsibilities resulting in other people having to pick up my slack. I still make mistakes (though I'm happy to report that overall I make less colossal mistakes these days than in past) and I hope I will continue to do so as my very, very, very best and most impactful and long-sticking lessons have come from them.

From all of those errors in judgment I have learned precisely the effect alcohol and drug abuse has on a body, on relationships, on an entire life and each life that life touches, how to be a good friend and why lying and cheating and taking things that aren't yours leaves you unable to look at yourself in the mirror and continue to like the person who is looking back. All of those awakened awarenesses led to a commitment to living a life of integrity and dignity from a place of kindness and forgiveness. To a degree, I'm even less self-absorbed than I was in my younger years, though I admit I could still use a bit of work in that area.

I showed her the scar on my left wrist to illustrate to her just how badly I had felt about myself at one point in time and to give her a contrast for comparison against that which she was seeing standing before her. She was stunned once again.

Eventually our conversation led her to reveal that she was feeling the pain and stress of suffering some recent losses in her life. Clearly there is much on her heart and mind that needs to be lifted. But, she protested, "My problems are nothing compared to yours."

Once more I looked her squarely in the eye and told her, "Everything is relevant (thank you JoAnne). Everything is relative. Do not minimize your challenges just because someone else's are bigger. It's good to have the perspective so that you DON'T wind up wallowing in self-pity and so that you DO take action to change the things that aren't working in your life. But, to diminish them to nothing dimishes you.

You are important. Your feelings are important. Your problems are as real for you as anyone else's are for them. And, please, don't romanticize mine. I'm blessed beyond belief. I live in a country where I can walk freely down the street, wearing whatever clothes I want, speaking to whomever from wherever of whatever colour, gender or religious affiliation (or not) I please. I can vote. I have an education. I have a job. I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, money in my bank account (sort of) and food in my belly. I have NEVER known what it feels like to go hungry. I have NEVER been without water and shelter and people to love me and care for me when I needed care. I have NEVER heard the sound of a bomb or seen its devastation. I am free. And I am happy. And my problems don't even register on the SCALE when you compare them to the tragedies that are taking place around the world every minute of the day. Alllllll of that being said, it's also true that MY problems are relevant and relative and real to me and deserve their own due credit but only insofar as giving them the appropriate amount of attention gives me the power to turn them into opportunities."

I also told her that the beauty that she sees in me comes from the joy in my soul, that true beauty comes from within. I told her that she is beautiful too, that she sees beauty because she IS beauty, that her bone structure and her body and all of that stuff are, indeed, beautiful, but that the real reason she is beautiful is that her heart is beautiful. She smiled. Radiantly. Her boyfriend smiled too and vehemently nodded in agreement.

She asked if she could call me.

I said yes.

I hope she does.  

In peace and love and all things bright and, well.. beautiful..
Lightning Dove signing off..
Xo.